I am a man of sin.
A single woman comes to my doorstep to woo me.
A friend through long years of language study; is it time to move beyond friendship?
Have I ever been the recipient of an attack by a person of such charms before?
However, before my eyes is another woman.
She came to me from that other man, and she speaks but a little.
And indeed, there is yet another woman whose feelings are wedging into a corner of my mind.
She is, even now, waiting and waiting for me to come to her.
Dear God! Is it a sin for a man to be so popular?
Whatever shall I do?
Come on out!
Decide already!
Outside the door is the sexy Hanuki-san.
In the boarding house is the silent, exquisite Kaori-san.
And waiting at the café is my yet unseen pen-pal, Keiko-san.
Unless I plan on becoming a Renaissance man of the sexual arts,
I must narrow it down to one of them!
In that case...
In that case!
I choose Keiko-san!
Why?!
I will not succumb to the flesh!
What I should do now is strip away all veneer and reveal myself as I am at this moment!
Keiko-san, please wait for me!
Then I was a brand-spanking new freshman university student
and before my eyes were open innumerable doors to that rose-colored campus life.
However, devoting my life to a single circle
poses a chance of wasting my entire college life in vain.
One must spread out the risk.
I will join many circles and experience a diversified rose-colored campus life!
"Reading Circle Sea"
As I have always been of the indoor persuasion, I will search for encounters through reading!
Books are the ocean!
Now is the time to set sail on the sea of the printed word!
The waves of life, the wind, the sad rain, the storm of trials, the hopeless Sargasso...
The meetings and partings of a submergent coastline!
The morning sun of hope...
Then, one day, I encounter a single small ship.
And on that ship is a raven-haired maiden...
It's quiet.
Reading is, after all, a solitary journey.
But don't you think this is a little too quiet?
The seeds of love can't sprout here.
I'm alone adrift on the Pacific!
Thanks, come again.
Appreciate the business.
If you'd like, read this.
"The Night is Brief, Go Forth Maidens, by Morimi Tomihiko"
It's a silly little young-adult novel,
but feel free to use it as a bad example to follow.
Thanks, whatever!
He said he'd bought it at a used book store and didn't need it anymore, so I should read it.
Its content was that of a silly little young-adult novel,
but on the final page was an address and name, written in exquisite penmanship.
It seemed to be the name of the previous owner.
I became strangely curious about this "Higuchi Keiko" person.
I had been long envious of those engaging in the exchange of letters.
The dreamer in me itched to trade carefully crafted correspondence
if, by some unforeseen chance, an opportunity should arise.
When I'd express this wish to Ozu in the past...
Must be exciting to send off lewd prose to a woman you don't even know.
You're such a hopeless deviant. What am I to do with you?
You ribald writing wretch!
...is how he called me a giant pervert.
But I saw it as an excellent chance.
Is not this, indeed, the command of heaven?
Is not forming a pen-pal relationship with an unseen woman a once in a lifetime opportunity?
"Exchange Letters"
But sending off a letter unannounced is at the very least unrefined, or simply freakish.
And so I purchased stationery that was beautiful,
to make up for that freakishness overflowing with sincerity,
and wrote a letter containing harmless pleasantries.
First I apologized profusely for sending a letter uninvited,
then added a note explaining how I was a hardworking student,
and, neither praising nor criticizing, gave my impressions of the novel I'd finished.
I wrote nothing of requesting to receive a response.
As a lengthy missive would give off a somewhat freakish vibe,
I wrote revision after revision, aiming for a mere half a page.
It requires considerable resolve to send a reply to a letter
that was sent to you from an unknown person in this world of corrupt morals.
Even more if it's some maiden raised among butterflies and rainbows.
I was prepared to not feel hurt if a response did not come.
Dear you,
Thank you for the letter.
Through this letter I could tell from her modesty
that Keiko-san was herself a lovely raven-haired maiden.
Bingo!
And so, from such an unbelievably simple start, my two years exchanging letters had begun.
The hot and humid days continue on, like summer is coming just a step ahead, don't you think?
In my boarding house there is quite poor ventilation, so it is considerably hot.
It became quite humid after the hollyhock festival ended, yes...
Before the rainy season comes, I have a sense we've entered the doldrums of summer.
I think being able to study whatever you'd like in college is a really amazing thing.
What are you researching in your studies there?
My research is nothing particularly special... I am majoring in agriculture.
I am deeply interested in the world of science.
But I feel it is a shame that one is not able to survey all of this broad field.
Such progress is what enables our modern way of life, however, so I cannot complain.
It sounds like your studies are quite wonderful.
As for me, a lecturer that has been in Japan for three years was returning to his home country,
and we threw a farewell party at an Irish pub on Oike street.
I didn't drink, but the fried whitefish was very delicious.
I have never been to an Irish pub before, but I do wish to go one day.
I have much interest in the culture of England.
I hope to one day go there myself and test out the fruits of my language study.
Thanks to my father's work, I spent a short time in New York during my childhood.
I was raised greatly admiring Miles Davis and Magic Johnson (has it already been so long?),
and I remember skating there.
I use that experience to teach at an inter-college English conversation circle.
I feel like my experience might be of some small help to the other students.
So you've lived overseas? I think that's really amazing.
But if you strain yourself with studying too much, it's not good for your health.
Be careful not to overdo it.
Thank you for your concern.
As you say, I am also engaging in what physical activity I may.
Actually, as a way to relieve stress I enjoy playing the part of an action star.
I know it's childish and laughable, but it is a "hero" TV show!
It gives me the chance to train my body, and at the same time,
I can let children live their dreams!
It is a job worth doing, indeed.
I wish to teach children that justice will prevail!
Hey, save Mochiguman!
Oh, what's the matter?
Those bad guys are trying to kidnap the girl, right?
Everyone, make them change their ways!
Change your ways! Change your ways! Change your ways!
Change your ways! Change your ways!
Look, they ran away!
Good job, everyone!
Thank you, Mochiguman!
Thank you, kids!
Who's that?
Weirdo.
Think he's some freak?
It sounds like a wonderful activity.
I also love heroes that make children happy.
Although I, too, am embarrassed by my childish taste.
As the letters came from Keiko-san, so too did my glimpses at her personality.
She was, indeed, my ideal woman!
I wrote about myself, trying to be as appealing as possible.
Although there were some slight embellishments,
they were all for the sake of classy presentation, yes?
You've been beaming lately. Something happen of note?
Of note or notes, it's none of your business.
Oh, that's not like you.
You are exchanging letters with a mystery woman you've never met, right?
How do you...
It seems I hit the mark.
Well, doing it by exchanging letters is probably perfect for a spineless wimp like you.
I am not doing these rude things you think I am!
Now, now, I know you. You're made half out of porn!
Even now you're anguishing over wanting to meet her.
You wouldn't be able to understand!
It's a platonic relationship!
Said I, at the same time being in a close relationship with two other girls.
You should just go with your feelings.
Hanuki-san's English was left a bit too much to her feelings;
she was a miraculous master of soul talk that expressed herself perfectly to the instructor.
Oh, so you and Ozu-kun are in the same year?
It's a small world, you know?
He's a patient at our practice.
Thanks to his meddling I've gotten into a ton of trouble.
Tell me about it. That's his hobby.
And he has a habit of keeping secrets about himself, right?
I don't even know where he lives!
He won't tell me no matter how much I ask.
Oh, I've been there.
Really?
Yeah, it's in Joudoji.
A little ways off of Shirakawa road is an apartment building that looks like it's made of candy.
Looks like Ozu-kun gets a lot of money from his parents.
Can he piss me off anymore?
Hanuki-san, whom I was having a frank conversation with,
is a lovely older dental hygienist.
We started going to a café together after class.
Then, because of the Hero Show, I came to take care of a certain woman.
Let me introduce you.
This is Kaori.
Kaori is a very elegant woman.
I want you to be very courteous to her.
Well, I'm counting on you.
Don't go thinking anything weird, now.
According to Mr. Jougasaki who hired me, I was exceedingly cautious and a safe bet.
Her hair was carefully combed, and her clothes were elegant.
I couldn't think of her as a doll at all.
It's not like I couldn't understand how Mr. Jougasaki could be so enthralled with this beauty.
Ozu-kun doesn't drink, see.
What about you, Hanuki-san?
It causes problem so I only drink with people I'm close to.
If you need a drinking buddy, I'd be happy to, anytime!
I'm not so easy to handle...
Someone she's close to, huh? I haven't entered that category yet.
No, one day Hanuki-san and I will drain a barrel of Yamazaki distillery whiskey.
Man, your place stinks!
His enemy in the long standing Masochistic Proxy-Proxy War
had infiltrated Mr. Jougasaki's boarding house, and with hidden cameras
filmed scenes of him caring for his dear Kaori-san, and screened an exposé.
I'm not sure you've got the balls for it, but my place isn't safe.
Hold on to Kaori here for a little while, will you?
Kaori, I'm sorry. I know this is a filthy place, but please endure it for a little while.
Suddenly we began living together.
The game of love had taken such a sudden turn,
but my letters with Keiko-san also continued unabated.
There are two crucial points about exchanging letters.
The first is that they must be handwritten.
And the second is that you never meet your partner in correspondence,
even should the very cauldron of hell be unleashed
and the world come to an end.
Says I, but it is only human to become curious about your partner.
What is she like?
What does she wear? What is her home like? How does she walk? What does she look like?
I want to know some more!
One time only, I headed towards her address.
It was impulsive.
"White Garden Joudoji 306
"White Garden Joudoji"
What are you doing here?
S-Sorry!
Wasn't that Akashi-san? I wonder if she recognized me?
Akashi-san was in the same class one year below me, together with Ozu in the engineering department.
I had always wanted to question why she ended up hanging out with a person like him
and visiting a person on the second floor of the Shimogamo Yuusuisou they call "Master."
Anyway, I had thought I would continue my platonic relationship with Keiko-san, but...
Greetings. Spring sure is in full bloom.
It's already been two years since we started this back-and-forth of letters.
There is something I want to say...
Could we meet up, face to face, one time?
Yahoo!
I surely caught her fancy through my genius literary skills.
I am entirely a man of sin.
But I could not meet her.
The me in the letters had walked far away from the me in reality.
I had originally written the high expectations of myself
I'd predicted would be true by the time I met Keiko-san,
but at some point it had become fabrication.
Just do it.
I cannot disillusion Keiko-san.
I have lied far too much.
I can't show my face to her.
But she gathered the courage and wrote "I want to see you!"
What am I, a man, doing being so indecisive.
It's still not too late!
I'll become the me that's in the letters!
That's it, I'll do it!
Then I'll become a man worthy of her!
However, the hurdles were far too high.
Why did I even write those things in the letters to begin with?
Keiko-san kept repeating the invitation, and I kept dodging the issue.
Hey, wanna go out for some drinks?
I was finally asked out for a drink by Hanuki-san!
This certifies that she feels close to me now!
But!
I have a report that I need to write today...
Oh, I see.
Right. Good luck on your report!
"I can wait no longer. I want to tell you. I'll be waiting at the café Collection on August 13 at 8 PM. If perchance you do not come, let us no longer persist in this exchange of letters."
That meeting is tonight.
But today is my last day with Kaori-san.
The other day Mr. Jougasaki came back to say he was taking Kaori-san back.
We are being torn apart.
I wonder if you'll forget about me?
I was being forced into making a decision about all three woman at once.
When I think about the past two years, what a sweet, innocent two years I've led.
Now that it's finally come to this, I must head toward moving past this climax!
Do I go for drinks with Hanuki-san?
Do I take Kaori-san and run away?
Do I meet Keiko-san and reveal the whole truth to her?
Unless I plan to become a Renaissance man of the sexual arts,
I must narrow it down to one of them!
So if it's like this, I'd rather have some guy that asks me out every day.
I had a sinking feeling that she was falling into the clutches of that perverted dentist.
Hanuki-san must have wanted moral support!
I can't let her be ruined by the invitations of the perverted dentist!
This is a matter of life and death!
I cannot stand idly by and watch it unfold!
First thing: Consult the old woman!
That'll be 6,000 yen.
"Went to lounge, drinking contest with Jougasaki, a tough battle but won, then dragged around by Hanuki-san, ended up at her apartment, but with a "Keiko-san!!" I ran out of her bathroom"
I've made up my mind! I'll show her my true self!
Searching for someone?
It's you! Didn't I just...
The opportunity is always dangling before your eyes.
"Surcharge 6,000 yen + 2,000 yen = 8,000 yen"
Her apartment! You have to surprise her at her apartment!
Out of the question!
Visiting the home of your pen-pal is completely unacceptable!
That's breaking the most fundamental rule!
I absolutely will not!
Go! Yahoo!
Rules are made to be broken.
Keiko-san lives up there in room 306.
I am going to show Keiko-san the real me if it's the last thing I do!
It was then that I saw Keiko-san with an extremely eerie face.
With an unhealthy looking face that seemed like it belonged to
a human from the dark side of the moon.
An ominous smile rising up that seemed like it was entreating others' misery...
I'd say that it was strangely slippery, like some youkai...
She almost looked like Ozu.
She and Ozu were two peas in a pod.
Or rather she was exactly like Ozu.
No, that is Ozu!
Swallowing the conclusion I had come to
within my mind required a great amount of effort from my soul.
I needed a whole cupful of sugar to make this unimaginably bitter medicine go down!
Higuchi Keiko did not exist.
"An apartment building that looks like it's made of candy."
I had been exchanging letters with Ozu these past two years.
Could there be a more cruel conclusion?
Senpai! It's you, right Senpai?
Akashi-san?
I apologize for deceiving you.
I am sorry, but I participated in the exchange of letters.
I wrote the letters at the request of Ozu-senpai.
As I felt pained from these actions, I could not bring myself to tell you.
Wait, so it was you Akashi-san?
That's correct. I'm sorry.
But Ozu is the only one at fault, right?
No. Ozu-senpai got bored with it after a while... It was just a random prank to him.
I could not bring myself to simply fade out, so I took over writing the letters as Keiko-san.
So that's what it was.
It was quite difficult capturing Keiko-san's character.
After all, Ozu-senpai knows your tastes extremely well, and had used them to create the character.
It's true. Keiko-san was my ideal woman, far too good to be true.
But to think that it was Ozu who created her...
Since you didn't come to where I said to meet,
I thought you might stop by here, so I staked it out.
I was saved by you once.
Do you remember the Mochiguman Show?
That was you?
I was still in high school.
I thought you were really cool back then, Senpai.
That was me while I was in the suit...
The real me is...
It was a lot of fun exchanging letters.
It's true you like to show off a little, but I was lying as well, so we're even.
These come in sets of five, but I lost one of them.
I really love Mochiguman.
It's kind of embarrassing though...
Opportunity is always dangling in front of your eyes.
"I collected Kaori-san. The Castella is a reward from Jougasaki-san. -Ozu"
Why'd you go straight home?
That was a pretty nice moment!
Why didn't you at least ask her out on a date?
Don't misunderstand.
Akashi-san just likes Mochiguman, that's all.
It's not like she likes me.
Damn it, I'm tearin' outta here!
Damn you Ozu!
When I think about it, enough Keiko-san, enough Hanuki-san or Kaori-san...
Could it be that I was just dancing in the palm of Ozu's hand?
That goddamn monster,
eating the unhappiness of others as a topping on his three helpings of rice!
Now that I think about it,
he must have had quite a delicious feast from me these past two years!
He deserves to die a thousand times over!
I'll roast him into coffee and grind him to bits!
Silently I ate the entire Castella myself,
and through my actions sank deeper into a hellish solitude.
As I devoured the Castella, I took on the form of a devil.
That's right, don't misunderstand.
I was enamored by Keiko-san, who was created by Ozu.
It was most definitely not Akashi-san.
Don't change the subject.
It's inexcusable to momentarily lust after someone just because you're lonely!
After all, it is my fate to be dragged down forever with Ozu.
"Marina Trench"
When I thought that, I found myself strangely relieved.
I'm not suited to stand on love's victory podium.
This is how it should be...
Like hell it is!
I want to stand on the victory podium, no matter what methods I have to use!